" Thou comest to me with a sword and a spear and a shield, but I come to thee in the name of the L-rd of Hosts, the G-d of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast humiliated..." (I Samuel, 17:45-47)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Another Top Ten List- "Ortho-Feminists": Part I (you never know)

To amuse myself and others, and to irritate the rest. Enjoy.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton? Or a JOFA Member?
Top 10 Signs That You're An "Orthodox-Jewish" Feminist
  1. Your favorite "life-cycle event" is the "britah". But if you have to go to a bris, at least you get some nachas hearing the baby scream.
  2. You insist that your husband light the Shabbat candles while wearing a skirt.
  3. You've altered the morning blessing for your husband, so that he now conveys his gratitude for being "an oppressive, loathsome member of the male species."
  4. In the synagogue that you attend, the women are on the main floor while the men hang from the rafters in a chicken coop.
  5.  You can do Hagbah with the Torah as good as any man. (No knees either. All in the wrists.)
  6. You wear steel-toed combat boots to shul.
  7. You frequently criticize the Imahot for not "rising up" against the oppressive fathers. 
  8. You consider Betty Freidan's The Feminine Mystique to be a holy book and feature it prominently on your s'forim shelf next to your Tanach.
  9. You have a ten foot tall bust of Blu Greenberg in your living room. To the left of the Golda Meir shrine.
  10. You wear a "Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance" baseball cap on top of your mullet. (Collector's addition. Comes in a set of six. Good for family outings.) 


  1. You forgot...

    11. "Kolech" is your web browser's home page.

    12. You consider Shira Hadasha in Jerusalem to be your beacon of light and how every shul should become.

    13. You consider the liberal "Yakar" shul in Qatamon to be oppressive.

  2. Lol. I think we should collaborate on another list. Or better yet if you want, take a crack at it yourself. I'd love to see Esser Agaroth's version of the list. You probably have a better pulse on the Jerusalem strain of this virus. I was thinking of including shira chadasha. There is probably a lot of material there.


What do you think? I'm interested in your comments.