" Thou comest to me with a sword and a spear and a shield, but I come to thee in the name of the L-rd of Hosts, the G-d of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast humiliated..." (I Samuel, 17:45-47)

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Stupid Jew Quiz


Question: Did you vote for Obama (or Hillary for that matter)?

Answer: If the answer is yes, you are indeed a stupid Jew.

Forgive me. I don't mean stupid in a conventional sense. You're probably highly intelligent by any standard. I refer to the part of your brain that deals with common sense and survival, in your case, the part of your brain that is either non-existent, abnormally small, or severely lesioned. I blame the exile for your unfortunate malady. In-breeding and poor nutrition may have also played a role. Back to the exam and your test results. I should also inform you that as a "Jew for Obama" you are not only stupid. You're incredibly annoying.

My dear stupid brother, what compelled you to vote for someone who is obsessed with kissing the hindquarters of the Islamic/Arab world? Is it his support of a "palestinian State" and a return to Israel's Auschwitz borders? His committment to socialism? His loyalty to Reverend Wrong? His friendship with domestic terrorists?

Is it your stupidity? Your self-hatred? A combination of the two. Perhaps Obama's "blackness" excited you. (Somehow I don't think you would have supported a conservative black academic like Thomas Sowell for President.) If this is the case (and I suspect that it is) then in addition to being stupid, you're also a liberal racist. What kind of qualification is skin color? Idi Amin was also black.

The secular "Jew for Obama" is a bit easier to understand. Having zero or limited knowledge of Torah, she (liberal Jewish women are just as stupid as stupid Jewish men) defines her Judaism through the distorted prism of liberalism, feminism, pluralism, "tikkun olamism", or some other golden calf that the universal Jew (who knows nothing of particulars) is apt to worship. The liberal modern-orthodox "Jew for Obama" is a bit more perplexing. This tragic figure has a constant struggle trying to balance a committment to Torah with liberalism. Try reconciling the Law of Moses with the values of an Obama, a man who believes in socialism, late term abortions, normalization with Iran and Syria, and the demise of Israel. Even more perplexing than these "religious" sheep are the shepards, those elitist, modern orthodox Rabbis with Ph.d's, semicha, and pulpits to peddle their wares and glorify the treif of the galut.

How does one explain an "orthodox Rabbi" who is so in love with Obama (and himself), that he enters a church and participates in an inter-faith ceremony? Or another anomaly that shills for an upright pig named Hillary, stamps a seal of kashrut on her and declares her glatt kosher. These Wise Men of Chelm will have to answer for the untold numbers of Jews they've ruined with their Hellenism. They will surely have to answer for the Jewish blood that is shed in Israel, courtesy of their support of Obama and his All-Star cast of Jew haters.

Ultimately, Obama's presidency will benefit Israel. The more he supports the tyrants of the Arab and Islamic world, the sooner the myth of an alliance between the U.S. and Israel is exposed as a lie. Jews will have no choice but to return to The Almighty. Then we'll see some real Jewish fireworks.

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