" Thou comest to me with a sword and a spear and a shield, but I come to thee in the name of the L-rd of Hosts, the G-d of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast humiliated..." (I Samuel, 17:45-47)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Inauthentic Bedouins: Another Top Ten List

The notorious "authentic Bedouin experience", (as authentic as a unicorn), is a staple of every Birthright Israel trip. Not surprising, since the federation screwballs behind the project are committed to humanizing our Arab enemies. Even more tragic is the fact that not a few yeshivot and seminaries subject their students to this dangerous experience, which creates a mythical image of the Bedouins as loyal citizens (untrue, but also irrelevant according to the Halachah), instead of the violent, primitive, anti-semitic, thieving, raping, and murdering fiends that they really are. Here are ten reasons why "authentic Bedouin experiences"  are neither "authentic" nor  "Bedouin". (They are simply tourist traps to coat the pockets of sly Bedouin tribes.)
  1. The Bedouin camp isn't built on a mountain of stolen cars, railway tracks, and steel pipes. Oh, and there isn't the ever present smell of human feces baking in the sun. 
  2. There aren't any truckloads of hookers, AK-47's, and opium supplies, waiting around for a midnight delivery.
  3. They serve mehadrin shisk kabob instead of a boiling cauldron of slimy halal goat heads with brains and eyeballs intact. 
  4. They provide indoor toilets instead of relying on the age old Bedouin tradition of squatting wherever and whenever.
  5. The camp isn't infested with traditional Bedouin cockroaches, which often attain the length of a camel's tongue.
  6. The camels aren't squealing in terror all night, courtesy of unwanted Bedouin advances. 
  7. The "Bedouin tea" isn't laced with a "date-rape" drug.
  8. You wake up with all of your crowns and fillings.
  9. You wake up, period.
  10. The Bedouins running the camp don't resemble the cast of Tod Browning's "Freaks."
One day soon, the law of the Torah will reign supreme, and we're going to bounce the degenerate, ruthless, Bedouins out of Israel along with the rest of the accursed Arabs. Those brain-dead fools who still desire Bedouin encounters can go find the real versions in the Sinai. History is replete with enough bloody examples which confirm the following statement, particularly if you're a Jew. You wouldn't want the real Bedouin experience. 

Here are some past posts from The Jewish Fist relating to Bedouins:

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